Witty's Rushed 2023 Bucs Mock Draft That Deserves Comments, Where the HELL Are You People Anymore?

Without the Polling add-on that SB Nation used to offer for these FanPosts, I have no idea if any of you suckers are even reading these posts. Where's the snark? Where's the outrage at my more outlandish mock drafts? WHERE'S THE LOVE?!?!

It's like that episode of Star Trek where a villain gets caught in his own thought-controlled machine without anybody there to even torment him, and he dies from the loneliness. (cries) Even a blunt insult would be a comfort to me now...

Wait, where was I?

Oh, yeah, Mocking a Bucs draft.

The PFF mock website locked itself down to subscribers, so screw that one anymore. I've gotten used to plugging away with the PFN website at so you can try it out there. It has an insane 'trading' AI but I refused to trade in this particular mock, because in the real world we likely won't get many deals until we know the very minute of the draft how things are shaking out and who is willing to cough up a treasure trove of future picks to move up.

Therefore, with the PFN draft I follow the same rules as usual:

1) Drafting by Best-Available For Needed Spots

2) When in doubt, Draft Offensive Line

3) When in doubt and OL is solid, Draft Defensive Line

So here goes:

19 (Needs: OL, Edge, DB) Brian Branch Safety Alabama

Safety isn't exactly the highest need on the Bucs board - that would be Offensive Tackle - but there were no OTs available within reason at this spot, and Branch was right there at the top of the board. Highest scouted Safety of the entire draft, immediately fills a starter need next to Winfield who's currently the ONLY Safety on contract. In a saner world I'd have moved down to better justify getting a ROT type or an Edge to take care of our blitzing needs.

50 (Needs: Anything not taken First Round) Felix Anudike-Uzomah EDGE Kansas State

Still missing an opportunity to take any OT or even a OG at this point, Felix was the second-top player on the board at this point behind an RB, which IMHO was not as high a need.

82 (Needs: OT/OL, TE, WR) Hendon Hooker QB Tennessee

Hooker does not fill a major need other than a backup QB or someone to challenge Trask and Mayfield for the starting gig. Something of a late riser on the QB boards, Hooker has been viewed as a sleeper pick who could develop into a solid starter. Sitting at the top of the board at this point of the draft, it was hard to argue against it.

153 (Needs: OT/OL, TE, WR) Jon Gaines OC UCLA

Not exactly as great a need as an OT, we do need to look at getting a replacement for Jensen at the Center spot soon, and this may be a decent point to draft one. He was four draft picks down the available list at this point, I could have taken a LB but felt OL need was higher.

175. (Needs: OT, TE, WR) Luke Schoonmaker TE Michigan

Schoonmaker is a potential late-round talent that could challenge for a starting gig, and at least provides solid depth to a sparse roster spot. Was at the top of the available board, which simplified the decision.

179. (Needs: OT, WR, LB) John Ojukwu OT Boise State

By this point in the draft we're not exactly getting a starter-caliber player, but Ojukwu could fit in relatively quickly to the Right Tackle spot as Wirfs shifts to the left side, and he at least provides solid depth to a roster spot currently listing just TWO guys. It helps he was right at the top of the available board when this pick was up.

181. (Needs: WR, LB, CB, K) Jalen Graham LB Purdue

Arguably not a starter pick, but he can provide depth to the existing LB corps and play specials teams. Was three picks down on the board at this point.

196. (Needs: WR, CB, K) Rakim Jarrett WR Maryland

Drafting a WR depends a lot on if we sign any FAs back - like Scotty Miller - or rely on UFAs post-draft to fill the depth need. Jarrett ought to contribute on special teams no matter what. He was the top-available, which again made the decision easier.

252. (Needs: CB, K) Charlie Thomas LB Georgia Tech

At this point, there were no noticeable Cornerbacks available within 15 picks of this spot. There wasn't even a Kicker on the draft board within 30 picks, so I didn't bother to dig for one as UFA signing would get us a rookie anyway. Drafting another LB doesn't help much outside of special teams. Thomas was four picks down on the board, behind a QB and two RBs, and I wasn't in the mood to go with a late-round RB that would likely miss the preseason cuts.

So in terms of needs, some help with Safety, Center, and Edge, with depth needs taken care of for Tight End, Linebacker, Receiver, and OT. I missed out on getting CB help or additional draft picks to fill the Safety roster, and I indulged in a rookie QB pick that may pan out depending on if Hooker is an improvement over Trask. Not exactly the best-possible draft, but it keeps the team balanced for the coming season.

So, having done all this, will someone PLEASE TELL ME how CRAZY my mock draft is?! Please?! PLEASE!!!! It'S.... SO... LoNELy In HerE... SoooooOooOoo LllllooooOOoOONnnnNeEEEEEEEEElllLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee......

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