Sports columnists sometimes have to recycle tired, old, nonsensical stories. I know. I pull up mock drafts all the time. But Tom Jones' latest effort in the Tampa Bay Times is a really pitiful example of a tired narrative, coupled with lazy (/lacking) analysis and a whiny obsession with the fanbase's (lack of) self-worth. "We fans suck. No not you, specifically. Of course I don't mean you. Those other fans. The ones over there."
You see, Tom Jones thinks the only sports fans who talk about trading good players, are Tampa Bay fans. God forbid that people try to look beyond a shiny name and attempt to figure out how an entire team can best be run. Best not do that. Just buy tickets, cheer and keep your opinions to yourselves you insipid fans, you.
True to its form, Jones' entire story is filled with nonsense, like assertions that "the entire pitiful Bucs roster is void of talent," or that "just getting through the day without a trade rumor is a reason for celebration," or my favorite, that no story beside the Revis trade seems to matter now. Because obviously, we never talk about Lovie Smith, or Mike Glennon, or the draft, or free agency, or anything except trading good players.
It even features the obligatory "why are we such small potatoes?" line. Oh woe be this joke of a town that talks about trades. A neat rhetorical trick, that: we are such small potatoes because you Tampa Bay fans talk about trading good players. No other sports town does that!
Sure, Tom Jones, New York is a town where they'd never talk of trading Derek Jeter, or Eli Manning -- where no one ever calls into sports radio with outlandish stories. In fact, they're so good at not doing that, that they even make movies based on that very scenario. I guess that's just so New Yorkers can understand what it's like to have sports radio, right?
I mean, we never see big, winning franchises part ways with good players. The New England Patriots would never let their stars go, ever. No one there would ever suggest something stupid, like trading Tom Brady. The best defensive back ever could never leave Atlanta, or San Francisco, or Dallas. The Baltimore Ravens hang on to their stars, like Ed Reed and Bart Scott. The Denver Broncos would never let a Hall of Fame tight end leave town.
Perennial All-Pros like Tony Gonzalez and Jared Allen always stay in their hometowns. Game-changing defensive stars like Warren Sapp and Reggie White never move. Randy Moss, the most talented receiver to ever play the game, was a one-team guy, with no trades in his career. Joe Montana stuck with the 49ers until he was done. I've never known anyone to suggest Terrell Owens maybe should leave wherever he was playing at the time. A star pass rusher switching teams often enough to win five Super Bowls? Hah, ridiculous.
Clearly anyone suggesting that a real, winning franchise like the New Orleans Saints could let the best guard in the NFL leave is off their rocker. A New York team would never trade away its awesome offensive playmaker. Clearly the Cowboys could never part ways with a dangerous wide receiver. The Oakland Raiders (back when they were not yet a joke) would never think of something as asinine as trading away their young, superstar head coach.
Above all, no one in New York would ever trade away Darrelle Revis.
No. That sort of thing only happens in Tampa Bay. Obviously.