1. He can't throw the football.
Here's what you want a quarterback to do: throw the football to his receivers. Here's what Tebow has consistently shown he cannot do: throw the football to his receivers. Career completion percentage: 47.9%. And that's with no throwaways -- he gets sacked on an obscene 10% of all passes.
2. Massive media distraction.
Guess what Greg Schiano does not like? Media distractions! He likes those serious, morose, football-only guys who don't draw too much attention. Oh yeah, that sounds just like Tebow.
3. The Bucs just drafted a quarterback.
They just picked Mike Glennon in the third round. They're not grabbing Tebow to displace their third-round draft pick.
4. The quarterbacks they drafted aren't remotely like Tebow.
The Bucs like tall, strong-armed pocket passers and don't care if they can run or not. Stand in the pocket and deliver the football. Not scramble-around-like-a-headless-chicken-and-bull-ahead-for-four-yards-Tebow.
5. Tebow won't play tight end.
Oh but what about tight end? Tebow's big and can, like, run a little. Maybe he can play tight end! Yeah, except he won't. He wants to be a quarterback.
6. Even if he would play tight end, he can't.
He'll be 26 when the season starts. The last time he played tight end he was 16. You want to go teach someone a new position at 26, one you don't know he'll be any good at, and then have him take up a roster spot for two years while he develops? Those raw tight ends only work out when they played basketball in college.
7. Tickets? Doesn't work.
But the Buccaneers need to sell tickets! Well, you have a point there. I guess. But you know how you sell more tickets? Win more games. What does Tebow not help you do? Win more games! Also, there's that whole market study the Jaguars did that showed a minimal ticket boost at best. And that's in Jacksonville, the hometown of TEBOW! TEBOW! TEBOW! hype.
8. Tebow never beat Schiano in college.
Schiano is enamored with guys who beat him in college. Florida hasn't played Rutgers since 1986.
9. Nor did he spurn Schiano as a recruit.
Schiano tried to recruit Mike Glennon, and failed. Then he drafted him. I can't find any evidence that Schiano recruited Tim Tebow. Hence, he doesn't want him now. QED.
10. This GIF