DLT's Deadlocks: NFL Picks Week 5

We take this break from Real Housewives of One Buc Palace to bring you this week's pick segment. Thankfully, the Bucs can't lose this week. Of course, I've resolved to pick against them the rest of the season until they can prove they can actually win a game.

In the meantime, here's the rest of my picks for this weekend.

Last Week: 10-5 67%  Upset Specials: 1-1 50%

Season: 43-22 67% Upset Specials: 4-4 50%

Byes: Vikings, Steelers, Buccaneers, Redskins

Thursday Night

Bills 24, Browns 13 - This will be one Thursday Night game I will not be watching, although I do like what EJ Manuel is doing in Buffalo. Cleveland? It was fun while lasted.

Sunday

Upset Special: Saints 23, Bears 13 - Okay, first I'm surprised the Saints are underdogs at Chicago allowing me to take them as an upset special. Secondly, yes - I now believe in that New Orleans defense. They may be doing it will chewing gum, a paper clip, and a piece of MacGyver's hair - but they're getting it done.

Upset Special #2: Patriots 24, Bengals 20 - Here's another surprise underdog. I don't believe in Brady's receiving core...but I believe in Brady and Belicheat's D.

Packers 37, Lions 27 - I can't with good conscience pick the Cowardly Ones in Green Bay. When was the last time Detroit won in Green Bay - right after Lombardi left?

Titans 27, Chiefs 20 - I've been picking against the Flaming Thumbtacks all season. No Mas! No Mas! Meanwhile, the Chiefs have to lose or the four horsemen of the Apocalypse will be on their way.

Colts 26, Seahawks 20 - The Seahags narrowly escaped their first defeat last week. Won't be as "Lucky" this week.

Rams 24, Jaguars 2 - The Tank for Teddy Campaign continues. Poor Teddy. The Jaguars wish they had a quarterback they could smear. Then again, if the Jags are saying thanks but no thanks, maybe a certain whiny QB needs to check himself.

Dolphins 23, Ravens 13 - The Stinky Fish heads aren't too stinky this season while the Champs are looking a bit more like Rocky Balboa after Clubber Lang got through with him (Before Rock got the eye of the tiger). I pity the fools.

Eagles 30, Giants 13 - I'd like to pick the Giants this week. I'd like to win the lotto or score a movie contract for my new IDW comic coming out in April (not bragging or anything...okay maybe a little bit) or have a pony....or Eliza Dushku. Yeah, definitely Eliza Dushku.

Panthers 20, Cardinals 13 - Caaaaam. Ohhhh Caaaammm.

Broncos 38, Cowboys 10 - My Peyton count is five....five touchdowns against the Cowpokes...ah..ah...ah...

Sunday Night

49ers 30, Texans 20 - Could their be another benching of a starting QB in the NFL? Matt Schaub, it sounds like you're on notice their pal. Of course, his Pick 6's kinda smear themselves don't they?

Chargers 27, Raiders 13 - The Chargers are quietly competitive in the AFC West...quietly because their two undefeated teams in their division. Doh! Also quietly because this will be the second game that no one on the East coast watches because it will be 3 am by the time its over. Meanwhile, baseball kicks football to the Jimmy Kimmel hour? Really? I bet you the Raiders-Chargers game still gets better ratings than A's-Tigers.

Monday Night

Falcons 20, Jets 13 - The Falcons can't possibly fall to 1-4 can they? I mean, if you get there you should be running a smear campaign against your starting QB right? Isn't that how its done?