NFL Week 8 Picks - DLT's Deadlocks

Oh, football you fickle mistress. You confuse me, tantalize me and then crush my very soul. Because I was doing so poorly in my pick segment - I decided to pick against myself last week. Every team I thought would win - I picked the opposite team, believing it would turn the tide.

As it turns out, had I gone with who I thought would win I would have gone 10-3 last week. Of course, I didn't and ended up 3-10. Does that validate my pick segment? That's the case I presented to Sander when he called me into the office and gave me what for.

It's ironic that in so many of the games, I nearly pulled it out. The Bucs were up 14 twice against New Orleans, the Redskins looked like they were going to beat the Giants before Victor Cruz ruined everyone's day, the Jets, Browns, Bills and Jags all lost close games.

It's a thin red line and I've got to get better at these picks. Since opposite day failed miserably, I'm going with my wife's way at picking winners: Real Life. I.E. If an Eagle takes on a Lion in real life - the Lion would eat it - which equals WINNING.

That should work - right?

Let's find out.

Season: 53-51 51% Upset Specials: 5-9 36%

Last Week: 3-10 23% Upset Specials: 0 for 3

On the Couch: Ravens, Bills, Bengals, Texans

Thursday Night

Vikings 17, Buccaneers 13 - Hey, I actually got a Thursday Night game right last week! So while it certainly depends on the Buccaneer, a Viking is typically a tougher dude. I mean, I'd take the dudes from Pathfinder to kick Jack Sparrow's backside any day of the week.

Sunday

Jets 20, Dolphins 10 - This one's a little more difficult. A Jet is faster and could squash a Dolphin if it landed on it - but if a plane lands in the water - it's history and the Dolphin wins there. Hmmm. I'll go with faster/heavier.

Chargers 27, Browns 13 - I'm going with San Diego for two reasons - First, SAN-DI-EGO-SUPER-CHARGERS, SAN-DI-EGO-SUPERCHARGERS! No one has a cooler fight song. Sorry Fly Eagles Fly...Second - what in the hell is a Brown anyway?

Titans 27, Colts 21 - I like Andrew Luck, I think he's going to be a good quarterback. But when it's a Titan - a race of primeval deities that were immortal giants goes against a horse. Yeah, no contest.

Patriots 30, Rams 24 - I almost went with the Ram here because a Ram butting its head against a human being usually isn't a good recipe for that human. But Patriots carry guns.

Packers 30, Jaguars 10 - I'm picking the meat packer over the Jaguar because if the meat packer gets the jaguar in one of his machines...oh who am I kidding? There's no way in hell Jacksonville goes to Green Bay and wins.

Eagles 26, Falcons 20 - Ooh a tough battle between two predator birds. Typically, I'd go with the bird that has the better winning percentage but let's face it - the Falcons are overdue for a loss. The check comes this week in Philly.

Upset Special: Redskins 26, Steelers 20 - Another tough one. A Steeler is a gritty steel worker who can just about beat up anything. A Redskin, while being a nasty racial slur, is also symbolic of an indian warrior. It was tough, but I'll go with RG III slinging arrows at that undermanned Pittsburgh defense.

Lions 20, Seahawks 10 - Let's see - my analogy early was an Eagles vs. a Lion. Since there isn't really anything called a Seahawk in real life (the closest thing would be an Osprey), either way I think a Lion would win that battle. Besides, the Seahags are not the same team on the road as they are at home. There I go, interjecting football into a perfectly good philosophy.

Bears 23, Panthers 13 - This was a bit tougher because both are vicious killing machines. While the Panther has speed and agility, the Bear is just raw power. As athletic as the Panther might be, I don't think it could do anything against the Bear's defenses.

Chiefs 20, Raiders 13 - An indian warrior chieftain versus a marauding group of Raiders. Tough one. I think the edge slightly goes to the Chief - as he is on his home land and he can strategize a lot better than the Raider, who just goes with his instinct.

Giants 35, Cowboys 20 - A Giant versus a group of Cowboys. Splat. Unless they had their lassos, maybe they could tie him down like in Gulliver's travels. But they'd have to catch him napping...and this Giant won't be sleeping with Cowboys around.

Sunday Night

Broncos 40, Saints 33 - So a religious priesty kind of person versus a bucking bronco. I think the horse would kick mister goodie two-shoes into next year.

Monday Night

49ers 20, Cardinals 10 - A frustrated miner against the bird that supposed to protect them and let them know when the air quality is bad. It's good.

I'd like to wish everyone a safe, spooktacular and happy Halloween!