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NFL Week 7 Picks - DLT's Deadlocks

JC tries to recover from another disappointing week of picking games with his odd look at the NFL.

Doug Pensinger

Okay, while I still have this job (I'm expecting any day now to be fired by Sander as the official prognosticator of BucsNation) I'm going to always tell you how it is.

I told you from start go I was terrible at this. I told you we were going to poke some fun at the NFL, myself, you guys and we were going to have a good time with this.

Then I went 6-8 with my picks. Not even the 57% I usually get. Hell, I would have taken 50% last week. Then there's this sobering thought: I nailed my two upset specials. Had I went with the favorites you're talking Kansas City Chiefs never leading at any point of regulation time during the first six games level of suckitude.

So it is what it is (sorry Todd Wright All Night, I know you hate that cliche').

With that said, we're going to try something different this week. It's opposite day. Whatever I think is going to happen, we're going the opposite way.

It could lead to my worst week ever...or maybe my best. Of course what you have to figure out is if I'm picking against what I think is going to happen, but in the end I'm still picking - should you go with me or against me?

Either way the status certainly is not quo. We're not going to wait six weeks into the season like Andy Reid and then fire one of my favorite commenters CrackerBall as a scapegoat. Hell, Sander may hire CrackerBall and send me packing - and who could blame him? Well...the rest of BucsNation but I digress (just kidding, CB).

Anywho, let's get to this week's exposition of inaccuracy.

Last Week: 6-8 43% Upset Specials: 2 for 2

Season: 50-41 55% Upset Specials: 5-6 45%

On the Couch: Falcons, Broncos, Chiefs, Dolphins, Eagles, Chargers

Thursday Night

49ers 16, Seahawks 13 - One area where I have totally sucked (yes, I know...there's so many to choose from) has been the Thursday night games. I simply can't get them right. I was completely prepared to take the Seahags as my upset special. So now I have to go with the Niners.


Cardinals 13, Vikings 10 - Two of this season's surprise teams head into an important battle to keep Cinderella's slipper on for another week. Logic dictates that the Thors at home with that defense should take care of the angry birds. You don't know everything Mr. Spock! Opposite day forces me to pick the Cards and whoever the hell their quarterback is this week.

Cowboys 23, Panthers 13 - Another potential upset special was Cam's Crew of Pus kitty cats against the Cowboys. I thought with a week off Cam could finally get to Lex Luthor's lair and find a way to get that kryptonite taken off. Opposite day says take the Boys to keep Superman as Clark Kent.

Buccaneers 34, Saints 30 - Two weeks to prepare for a leaky pass defense missing their top corner is a long time. When it's Drew Brees, it's a recipe for disaster. Unfortunately, Opposite Day tells me that the Bucs will find a way to outduel the Saints.

Upset Special: Rams 27, Packers 24: I don't think there's a snow ball's chance in Hades that the Scams will beat the Meat Packers. Damn you opposite day! Damn you! Then again, the Scams do have a decent defense and they're playing at home...AAAH! I'm flip flopping worse than a certain presidential candidate. Which is opposite if you can't make up your mind which way you want to go? How does that guy do it? Let's stick with the first thought, which I guess means I'm picking the Scams. I'm so confused. Hold me.

Upset Special #2: Redskins 27, Giants 24 - The Giants are coming off a dominant performance over the 49ers to reclaim the title as best in the NFC (Sorry Atlanta, unbeaten or not, good teams don't almost blow a game at home to the Raiders) while RG III continues to be New Cam. I'd go with the Giants, but opposite day makes me pick the Skins on the road. I don't know if this is going to go very well. Cracker Ball, get your resume ready! JBen05 or Chengdu, you may want to spruce yours up too - someone has to do the 10 Things We Think We Learned segment around here once I hit the unemployment line.

Ravens 27, Texans 20 - The Nevermores are reeling from losing two of their best defensive players. The Redundants are still in search of that great defense they had before Aaron Rodgers made it his female dog (google it, youngsters). I'd typically take Houston at home...but opposite day says Joe Flacco (using my Rich Eisen voice inflection as I type) will have a Rodgers-esque type day. Since I have both on my Fantasy Team, the Supreme Daleks (google it, jocks), who should I start?

Bills 27, Titans 20 - Both the Flaming Thumbtacks (thanks, BSPN) and the CircleWagons had surprising upsets last week. I trust the Tacks' QB David Hasselhoff Matt Hasselbeck a little more than Ryan Fitzpatrick. Besides, have you ever heard Fitz scream while being tackled? He sounds like a tween at a One Direction concert. Okay...he sounds like me at a One Direction concert but that was just once and Liam is dreamy. Anyway, opposite day makes me believe that no one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills (does anyone even watch Primetime on BSPN anymore? And for the love of the Celestial Toymaker - get some new music for highlights BSPN! Synthesizers went out with Purple Rain and Culture Club).

Browns 20, Colts 10 - Break up the Browns! They won a game! And for the first time...possibly ever...opposite day is forcing me to pick them to win again (shakes fist at opposite day).

Upset Special #3: Jets 27, Patriots 26: There is absolutely no way in the world that I think Mark Sanchez, Tim Tebow and the Jests have a shot at beating the Patriots in Foxboro. I'm really beginning to hate this idea.

Jaguars 23, Raiders 13: Once again the opposite day is hosing me. As bad as the Commitment to Excrement crew is the Jags are just as bad and flying across the country. Yet, here we go again...

Sunday Night

Upset Special #4: Bengals 23, Steelers 20 - I'm getting fired for sure this time.

Monday Night

Bears 23, Lions 20 - That's it. I can't do it. I'm am giving the middle finger to opposite day for this one. Unless Jay Cutler has a meltdown there's no way the Lions are beating the Bears in Chicago on Monday Night Football. Watch this be the only one I get wrong all week...