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The Diary of a Football Dad


Well, here's my weekly observations during the course of a Sunday at BucsFanDave's house.  To introduce you to the gang, we have Significant Other, Child 1 and Child 2.  We live in the continental United States.  Our house looks like yours.  The dates and times are accurate, but the names have been changed to protect me.  Away we go....
1115AM:  Church just let out and today's sermon stressed the importance of coming back from trying times.  Father Piscatelli seemed really heartfelt and passionate.  Maybe he has experience with that.
1230PM:  Serving lunch in BucsFanDave's house where we've gone with a gourmet treat, sliced franks with the Spaghettios.  Child 1 does not eat his, but would like a snack exactly 30 seconds after declaring himself full.
1PM:  Kickoff.  Significant Other asks if I'll fold some laundry while I watch the game.  I ask her if she'll iron my socks while she's shopping next week.  I decided to get the first dirty look out of the way early.
1:15PM:  The Buccaneers score on their first drive with a twenty yard run by Cadillac.  I call my dad to see if he is watching.  Mom wakes him up and he puts on the game.  He asks when they got rid of Tony Dungy.  That's a real conversation killer.
1:28PM:  Child 2 starts screaming because Child 1 hit her in the head.  I'm not sure where the health care reform stands, but I need some help here.  Thirty seconds later, Child 2 is healed.  That's change I can beleive in.
1:32PM:  Shane Andrus misses a 43 yard field goal.  Awesome.  I feel like I'm in high school again.  Also, I feel like I'm in high school again because I'm getting dirty looks from the girls in the room. 
1:44PM:  Child 1 wants to know why I can watch football while he can't watch iCarly.  He says I always tell him to play outside instead of watching TV and he wants to play a game of football in the yard.  How am I going to get out of this?
1:45PM:  Still thinking.....
1:46PM:  "Dad?"   Still thinking....
1:56PM:  Child 1 cuts back a nice run, taking a 42-28 lead.  I'm not sure when we transitioned from letting him score to not actually being able to catch him.  Monte Kiffin would be extremely disappointed with my fundamentals.  Jim Bates, however, wants to draft me.
2:30PM:  Game with Child 1 over.  What's the score?
2:36PM:  Child 2 wants me to read Biscuit Takes a Bath.  I tell her I need to see the highlights first. 
HALFTIME:  I missed the blocked field goal and great forced fumble by Tanard Jackson.  I'm glad to have Jackson back.  He's goint to be a high point for the secondary.  Opposing coordinators will think he's a weed they can't get rid of.  He really deals some hits.  I can go on all day.  I'm making all of these jokes and no one is laughing.  Significant Other used to think I was funny.  She stopped laughing at my jokes after the fourth year of marriage.  Of course, I haven't gotten any new material since the second year of marriage, so I'm touched that I got two years of courtesy laughs.
2:50PM:  JJ doesn't seem to have the touch pass down quite yet as he's picked off on the opening drive of the third quarter.  Does anyone see a reason why JJ can't be our quarterback of the future?  What does Freeman have that JJ doesn't?  Besides 5 turnovers in two games...
3:00PM:  Ouch.  Only down one score after King catches a touchdown pass from Delhomme.  Carolina fans hate Jake Delhomme.  I haven't seen a fan base turn on their quarterback this fast since Trent Dilfer gave way to Shaun King.  I remember after a year of terrible passes from Shaun King, an analyst said that in the offseason he had to improve his footwork and that would improve his accuracy.  I've watched football for a long time, and that translates to "This guy sucks but your coach likes him.  So, he'll put up with his terrible play for two more years and completely alienate your defense, which keeps you in every game.  Then, the coach will get fired and the quarterback will become an analyst."  I'm paraphrasing a little on the translation.
3:10PM:  Child 1 wants a popsicle.  Not a bad idea.
3:34PM:  Missed a few plays because I was cleaning up purple popsicle liquid from the living room floor.   What?  A kickoff return for a touchdown.  I call my dad and even he saw it.  He's excited because the Bucs finally returned their first kickoff for a touchdown in franchise history.  I don't have the heart...
3:42PM:  Tie GAME!!! Jackson just smoked that pass....You knew that was coming didn't you?
No, Child 2, you cannot watch Cinderella right now.  Do you still want me to read you Biscuit Takes a Bath? 
3:55PM:  This is ugly.  Our defense had the ball run down their throat for the last 8:00+  For a great analysis of the problems along the defensive front, check out Steve White's Bull Rush column at  Good stuff.
4:00PM:  Significant Other wants to know what we're doing for dinner.  I suggest pizza.  She says that pizza has too many calories from carbohydrates and we need to balance our meals with carbohydrates and protein.  Okay, meat lovers it is....
Overall, the Bucs fought back but ran out of gas.  We don't have the personnel to match Bates' scheme and that continues to show up as we're the worst run defense in the league.  On the positive side, the secondary eliminated the big play today, and none of my children went to the hospital.  Offensively, I saw flashes, but seven points from your offense is extremely Grudenesque.  Still waiting for the first win....Child 1 refuses to bathe until the Bucs break their losing streak.  That's team spirit and encouraged in this house.  Significant Other does not support this team spirit.  Back to the drawing board for BucsFanDave and Raheem....
Next week:  The Patriots are coming....The Patriots are coming