Good Morning Raheem, how does it feel waking up as the Sultan of Swat? The Titan of Terror? The Colossus of Clout? The King of Crash, man? The Head Coach of the TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS?
Now. . . Get to work! Ha! No seriously please do. You need to search high and low for the greatest ensemble of offensive masterminds to fill out your staff. Here's what we're looking for (In no particular order):
#1: - Somebody who plays his personnel based on talent, nothing else, not by how long they've been in the league or by how many 'Old Man' pills they have to take in the morning just to get going.
#2: - We need a guy (or gal, good luck!) that is flexible to change. If the Shotgun formation needs to be implemented because your passer has a tendency to nail the opposition's defensive line between the numbers every other down, we would like to know that your man can adapt to that.
#3: - Don't sell us a guy who you consider an Offensive Genius, but in turn he ends up being offensive to watch. We're smarter than that, well at least this time around.
#4: - Don't be afraid to put together a staff that sticks to the run. All of us want to see 400 passing yards a game, but we grew up watching Mike Alstott pound it out and so we're accustomed to that.
#5: - Yeah, um, request #4... Scratch that, we want an air show each and every Sunday. Is that too much to ask?
#6: - We need a staff that can scout talent. See this thing comes up in April, the Draft, I know you know about it. We don't need this organization to draft a guy in the 4th round who's already pre-determined to miss that coming season. Or a guy in the 2nd round who has no business being taken in the. 2nd. Round. yet mid-way through the season he's relegated to clipboard time. We ask for more than that...
#7: - Don't be afraid to get a unit that's willing to groom a player and by groom a player I don't mean stick him on the sidelines while four or five rustic veterans are brought in to battle it out. We want and need you to play that player so we too can grow with him. We need this more than you know and especially at the Quarterback position.
#8: - At this point I'm realizing I should have stuck to five demands as this is starting to feel a bit drawn out and much like a homework assignment. Um, we would like you to run your potential candidates by us first so we can ridicule their every decision since entering the NFL...
#9: - I almost forgot... whew, sweet mercy... THE RED ZONE. We need a unit that eats and sleeps the Red Zone. It's no fun hoping your Offensive Unit scores prior to entering the opponents 20 yard line. Quite frankly that's pathetic.
#10: - Last but not least,
We would like to see the sprinkler on the sidelines twice a game take your time and put this thing together as you see fit. This fan base is pretty lenient. We'll wait until about Week 6 of your inaugural season to start booing you, i kid i kid. Bucs fans don't boo! No seriously we are behind you 110% of the way and just want to see an exciting and hard working team out there at Raymond James Stadium.
Good Luck Raheem... We're ready to . . . Get Crunk!