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Suggestions for addressing the guard position ...

So as we have found out, Carl Nicks has passed on to the Netherworld (or at least, his toe has). So this means that a roster spot has been freed up and we can go get ourselves another potential guard to be even better than Oniel Cousins. Surely it can't be THAT difficult to find someone better than him, right?

So here starts my list of suggestions ....

Mark Henry:

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via stream1.gifsoup.com

Height: 6 feet, 4 inches Weight: 412 lbs

I mean, this guy is 43 years old, but then again, Vinny Testaverde kept playing football until he was like 45 years of age. Also, I'm pretty sure that we can offer him a higher salary then whatever Vince McMahon currently offers to mid-card level wrestlers in the WWE.

Grizzly Bear:

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via 33.media.tumblr.com

If we can domesticate a grizzly bear, then we can put equip it with the Bucs uniform and train it to pursue Luke Kuechly and watch him cower in fear as our mighty grizzly bear pummels him to the ground. It'll probably demand a hefty salary though ...

Josh Freeman:

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via assets.sbnation.com

Height: 6 feet 6 inches, Weight: 240 lbs

Well, he certainly has the size department down to be tall enough to play guard, and he is a still currently a free agent at this point in time, so I'd imagine he won't be asking for $8 million+ caliber contract like he had in the past, so we can certainly afford to hire him. The question would be, would he be willing to play guard?

Greg Schiano:

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via img.bleacherreport.net

Well, let's put like this, we are already paying Schiano several million dollars over the next 3 or so years anyways, so why don't we just send him out to the front lines and see how he likes it when he is the victim of a bad personnel scheme decision ....

OJ Simpson:

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via stream1.gifsoup.com

Height: 6 feet, 1 inch Weight: 212 lbs

Despite the reports you might hear about me being out of shape and in poor condition in general, I'm still healthy enough to play football at this point in my life. I'm a hall of fame NFL player, and I know first-hand of what it takes to navigate through some of the most difficult life-based scenarios there is!

Well there you have it folks ... my suggestions for whom we should hire to be our next starting guard for this upcoming football season for the Buccaneers.



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