I kid about this being version 7. At least, in this universe. In other realities, I am a DRAFT-PREDICTING GOD! In a more svelte healthy body, oh and dating cute swimsuit models on the side. But in THIS world! IN THIS WORLD MY MOCKERY IS A MOCKERY OF A SHAM OF THREE GUFFAWS! I call for a mistrial!
I did warn you there's a little bit of crazy to this.
In fact, here's the deal: I'm making two drafts in one. One draft mockery will be the sane, sensible picks that I would expect out of any GM who follows the logic of "drafting best player at high need". The other draft mockery will be the crazier, yet likely picks we might expect out of a drafting tandem - new coach and new GM, same old crazy owners - that we can't be 100 percent certain of.
Problem is, while the crazy draft mockery would and should include trades, there's no certainty which team the Bucs could trade with, nor any good idea what picks we'd likely get out of it. So, sad to say, no trades. Which IS crazy, because the odds of there being a trade is actually pretty damn good...
Otherwise, the rules are the same: 1) I am an UNFORGIVING GOD, 2) NO PUNTERS, 3) When in doubt, shoot both Kirks, it's the only way to ensure the safety of the Enterprise.
Are we good? We're good.
First Round - Seventh overall
Logic dictates that the needs of the Wide Receiver roster - and the lack of starting talent there - outweigh the needs of the few... or the one. But logic's out to lunch when it comes to egomaniacal team owners who crave the filet mignon of having a FRANCHISE QB. It's what the Glazers jumped for in 2009 - overdrafting a Josh Freeman in the First when he could have been had later, where the Bucs could have traded down to snag extra picks and still get him at a cheaper price - when they got frustrated with Gruden's obsession with aging vet QB journeymen, and there's a lot to suggest - Glennon is not viewed as a long-term solution - they're still keen on having one.
Making this difficult is that the one WR the Bucs dare not pass up - Sammy Watkins - can well be gone before the Bucs select here. The next best WR on the boards - Mike Evans - isn't anybody to sneeze at, so it's not a bad deal... but if a franchise-caliber QB like Bortles, Bridgewater or Manziel is sitting there at 7th, don't be surprised if the Glazers get on the phone and give the order to tag one of those guys.
SANE PICK - WR Mike Evans, Texas A&M
CRAZY PICK - QB Blake Bortles, Central Florida
Second Round - 38th Overall
Where the sane draft has us taking a WR early, the crazy one has us getting one... well, maybe not here, even though our team's front office shouldn't be THAT crazy. The lack of speed at the receiver spot is a huge issue, and while the fastest of the best are taken, getting somebody who'll spread the field deeper than V-Jackson would makes the most sense. But Crazy Mock ain't concerned with that: Crazy Mock is concerned with hotness. HOT! SASSY! Sane mock will insist on getting a Tackle/Guard who will help fix our O-line depth needs just by being there, and hopefully improve the Guard spot with a potential starting pick.
SANE PICK - OG David Yankey, Stanford or OT/OG Cyril Richardson, Baylor
CRAZY PICK - DE Dee Ford, Auburn
Third Round - 69th Overall
In my second mockery, I had a Tight End in Austin Seferian-Jenkins sliding down this far, although he may end up getting taking earlier. Need at Tight End isn't that high, but the starter talent doesn't really strike fear into the hearts of anyone. It's just as likely the Bucs could pursue a LB pick at this spot, considering linebacker depth is hurting with the loss of key back-up players and occasional starters, especially Dekoda Watson to FA. Crazy Mock will go the way of the crazy, which means we might see a draft pick-up for a position already drafted for... yes, CRAZY MOCK WILL GO CRAZY WITH GETTING ANOTHER QB BWHAHAHAHAHA
SANE PICK - LB Telvin Smith, Florida St.
CRAZY PICK - QB Jimmy Garappolo, E. Illinois (I think Sander's gonna kill me with this one)
Fourth Round - DOOM
Barring a trade to secure a pick this round, Bucs are screwed. Crazy Mock will insist on drafting a Punter here, so thank GOD it's been traded away...
Fifth Round - 143rd Overall
At this point, drafting for depth and special team needs. Sane Draft will try to aim for depth needs, Crazy Draft will order more pizzas and pig out.
SANE PICK - TE Arthur Lynch, Georgia
CRAZY PICK - WR (since in Crazy Draft World, we haven't drafted one yet) Brandon Coleman, Rutgers (He's a SCHIANO MAN BWHAHAHA)
Sixth Round - 185th Overall (trade from Buffalo)
Eiher we'll all be too sane and drunk, or too crazy and sober, to make any sensible picks at this point, soooooooo...
CRAZY/SANE PICK - S Lonnie Ballentine, Memphis
Seventh Round - 221st Overall
FIRE THEM CANNON FODDERS!
SANE PICK - OL Austin Wentworth, Fresno St.
CRAZY PICK - P Richie Leone, Houston (NOOOO NOT A PUNTER NOOOOOOOO)
So, what do you think sirs?