Open Letter to Schiano

Dearest Greg,

I am sure you would like to keep your job as head coach of the Buccaneers. So I’ve compiled some tips that might help you.

1. Your players are not college kids. They are grown men with families. Many of them are millionaires. Your overbearing intimidation tactics are alienating them and causing widespread distrust. If you want them to fight for you (read: Your Job) then they need to know that you have their backs, too. Also it makes you look like a dick!

2. The NFL is where the big boys play. To quote Jon Gruden, "It’s hard." If you want to survive you have to make personnel decisions based on what truly helps the team. In other words, you don’t have the luxury of bringing in players that you wish you could have recruited to Rutgers. Seriously, man. Make every decision as if your life depended on it.

3. You are not Bill Belichick. Let me repeat: You are NOT Bill Belichick! Bill Belichick is one of the most successful NFL coaches of all time. He can be as tough on his players as he is because he has the one thing you don’t have- clout. His players respect him because of his long track record of success in the league. You don’t have that. And it’s not like you came from an elite college program. Your record is barely over .500. It’s .504 to be exact. Only one more win than losses while at Rutgers. So don’t expect that everyone is automatically going to buy into your program. Respect is earned. Take a lesson from the Josh McDaniels fiasco in Denver. Don’t start shoving your weight around like your Belichick until you’ve earned your clout.

4. Your offensive coordinator stinks! There is a lot to be said for actual game experience calling plays. Mike Sullivan was a quarterbacks coach while with the Giants. That’s a lot different than calling plays. Ok, you took a chance on him last year. But now you might want to think about getting someone with a little more imagination. Hey, maybe you could try a screen play now and then.

5. Good coaches make adjustments. In the NFL, stubborn gets you one thing- FIRED! Perhaps you want to make some changes at halftime. Hey, here’s a crazy idea- you could adapt during the game, too.

6. Don’t run off all the talent just because they don’t fit into your narrow parameters. You need that talent to win games. And to keep your job. So maybe you try to encourage that player with the strong personality. Find a way to channel their energy in the right direction. Remember what we said about clout?

7. Start working on your resume. You might want to think about the CFL.

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