What does the future hold for Greg Schiano?
Simple question. Schiano's tenure as the Buccaneer's head coach isn't likely to extend past this season and I thought we could take a look at some possible landing points for our beleaguered coach.
1.) Boston Market- General Manager- Schiano has definitely established himself as a "no nonsense" leader, and I think the fast paced world of "good food served fast" would serve him well. The Boston Market on Dale Mabry is an obvious choice, as he is already on a first name basis with most of the staff, and reportedly, "loves the fuck out of that salty spinach" according to David Henderson, a 3rd year cashier there. This location has had its share of problems since opening in 2002, from that homeless guy Rob that sleeps in the women's restroom, to that shithead Sarah, who constantly shows up late and eats the Mac and Cheese straight from the warmer. Most notably, it's a lack of discipline, and Schiano would waste no time turning this place around. He could even bring a couple of Rutgers alumni with him in Tim Wright and Brian Leonard, as these two will surely be looking for work at the end of this season.
2.) Chuck E. Cheese- "Chuck E." Mascot- This one is kind of a dark horse, as it's not nearly as glamorous as the Boston Market job, and obviously, Schiano would have to wear a costume, so he would lose out on the massive amounts of fame and prestige that he previously had at Rutgers, but Schiano would flourish here. For one, he would be surrounded by a fanbase that would be forced to "buy-in" to his way of doing things, (something he never really had in Tampa) as most children are typically dropped off for the day at a Chuck E. Cheese while their parents imagine what life would be like if they were never born. Here, Schiano could help mold and shape a new generation of "Schiano-Men." It's understandable though if Schiano doesn't want to work with youth again, but why not go back to what he is best known for?
3.) The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention- (CDC)- Lead Researcher- No other NFL head coach has had as much experience with infectious disease as Greg Schiano, and the only one who even comes close is Andy Reid. As we all know, Schiano's experience with MRSA makes placing him at the forefront of United States disease research a no-brainer, and I have to believe that Thomas R. Frieden, current director of the center would agree. In fact, he alluded to as much in a Rolling Stone interview, where he stated, "You know, I like Greg. I think he knows how to yell at a disease like a natural, and if he wasn't working with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who knows? Maybe he could end up here. It's just all about timing. I'd entertain the idea."
4.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers- General Manager- This one really makes the most sense and is really the "safe" choice for Greg, as he's essentially been working as the team's GM for the majority of this season and most of the 2013 off-season. From the drafting of Mike Glennon to convincing Josh Freeman to voluntarily step down from his position as starting QB, it's clear that the Glazers are ready to hand over the reigns to Schiano, which opens up a new set questions as to where current GM, Mark "Mack" Dominick will end up. Still, Schiano has clearly had his hands in every aspect of the team, and if reports coming out of One Buc Place are accurate, the Glazers are actually planning to sell Schiano the team by the end of the month, at which point he will change the name of the franchise to "The Tampa Bay Scarlet Knights."
When asked what he thinks the future holds for him, Schiano, with an utterly terrifying gap-toothed wink, was unable to elaborate, stating, "I don't know. I'll have to look at the tape."