Buccaneers To Introduce New Team Mascot on Sunday

New Mascot Manny MRSA Prepares For His Week 6 Debut



The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have announced plans to introduce a new mascot this weekend before their game against the visiting Philadelphia Eagles.

The new mascot, Manny MRSA, will be inducted into the Buccaneer's mythos following a lengthy pre-game ceremony that GM Mark Dominik says, "will introduce a new generation of young fans to the 'never give up' attitude that we believe both Manny and the Buccaneers represent."

When asked why the team opted to make the change from the team's current mascot, Captain Fear, Dominik stated that, "Manny just represents the kind of values we want to instill in our fan-base. And, let's face it, pirates are pretty scary. It's something we've done a lot of research on, and it turns out, most children actually fear lawless criminals that live by their own set of rules and maim, steal, and kill without any regard for the sanctity of human life."

Manny MRSA, named after the incredibly resilient and infectious bacterium, has been a fixture in the Buccaneers locker room since the start of the 2013 training camp. The change has garnered unanimous support from the players, in particular, Kicker Lawrence Tynes, and Guard Carl Nicks, who are scheduled to take part in Manny's induction ceremony on Sunday.

"That little guy just sticks with you, you know? At first, some of the medical staff tried to get rid of him, but eventually, it was like he was one of the guys. I can't even imagine taking the field now without knowing Manny will be there in some way" said Tynes, while strapped to a medical gurney with several intravenous feeding tubes jutting out from his body.

"Yeah, Manny's a good guy", said Nicks, as he hobbled off the field, his foot bandaged and leaking massive amounts of puss, blood, and skin. "I signed with the Bucs last season and while I was originally just hoping for a paycheck, I ended up with a friend."

Coach Greg Schiano originally held an open competition between Captain Fear and Manny, preaching that, "I believe in competition, in all aspects of the team, not just the on the field stuff", which he says Manny eventually "won out."

Schiano believes that, "Manny gives us the best chance to win. Fans just weren't getting as excited for Captain Fear, but he understands the business side of this game and he took the benching like the stand up guy that he is."

Manny could not be reached for comment, but team officials stated that the first 5,000 children under 10 years of age in attendance this Sunday would have a chance to "bring Manny home with them."

"He's just not a friend on game day," reaffirmed Dominik, "he's a friend for life."

As of press time, several Buccaneer's players are expected to undergo numerous amputations, but Coach Schiano could not confirm or deny if the newly dismembered players would start on Sunday, stating that, "I don't know. I'll have to look at the tape."

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