Diary of a Football Dad: A Flash Forward?

The Football Dad and crew had just settled in for some bye week football, when BOOM! All of Buccaneer nation blacked out for two minutes and seventeen seconds. I woke up with Mountain Dew spilled all over my John Lynch jersey and the dog eating a Snickers bar out of my hand. Child 1 lay beside the table, readying to clean up the lamp broken by his errant pass. Significant Other called from the mall, claiming that somehow, receipts from Macy’s showed up in her purse after the blackout. Child 2 asked for more applesauce. Was this a global occurrence? Who else blacked out? What did I see in my flash forward? Do I have any Snickers left? The answers to these and more questions, after the jump….

Apparently, all of Buccaneers nation experienced a Flash Forward, revealing hints of the future. What did they see? I called my brother. "Brother, what did you see in your flash forward?" "I was talking to Deez." "Deez who?" Ohhhh. Well played.

Buc Wild called and in his flash forward, he was bunkered in his basement analyzing the DVOA stats for the past season. According to his calculations, the Buccaneers will run for 11 yards in the last 9 games of the year. But, he doesn’t think that Cadillac ripped another patellar tendon, so he’s psyched.

Child 1 is a big time third grader now, so he won’t be talking to his father at that point in the future, so he doesn’t see a reason to talk to him now. Can he borrow the car?

Six months in the future, Child 2 was playing Twister and listening to a Taylor Swift song... Is this any different than now? No. So, I’ve got those to look forward to for six more months.

Significant Other returns home to reveal that she saw herself with a handsome, thoughtful, caring, gregarious, did she mention handsome, man. Awww shucks….Who is he?

Football Granddad calls and said he was eating a bowl of soup and taking a nap in his flash forward. He doesn’t mention if that was in a nursing home, but I know the answer to that question.

And finally, what did I see in my flash forward? "With the first pick in the 2010 draft, the Buccaneers select Ndamukong Suh, defensive tackle from Nebraska." Chest bumps and high fives in my draft room, but everything’s a little hazy. You see, in my flash forward….I’m drinking, DUH, DUH, DUH!!!

 

 

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